Why I Chose a Home Birth

I know us having a home birth was a big surprise, and there's been some curiosity as to why we came to that decision.

I purposefully didn't say much about that on my original post because it is a bit of a touchy subject and because much of why I came to the decision is very personal and spiritual. But, I am willing to share some things about it.

It all started, really, with Frankie's birth. It was very unexpectedly pain med free and husband free, not to mention he was breech, 9 weeks early and my labor was progressing at turbo speeds. Having that kind of birth never crossed my mind. Birth is scary enough, but add those variables and it's not a happy experience. It was good in the sense that I got him out safely and he was healthy, but it was the most terrifying experience I have ever gone through. People often use the phrase "I felt like I was going to die!" rather flippantly, but there was a very clear moment when I came to grips with the fact that those were going to be my last moments on earth. Not a fun feeling. The days following, I remember thinking that there was no way I would ever give birth naturally again!

But, as Joel often says, women are blessed with bad memories. When I got pregnant with Gerik I started thinking about how I'd like his birth to be. Believe it or not, I felt very strongly that I wanted to do it without pain meds. I'm still not entirely sure why. Maybe I remembered the intense relief after Frankie was born, and my recovery was very good, despite the pesky fever that had nothing to do with the delivery. Or maybe I felt more confident in my abilities if I could, oh I don't know, have my husband there! Whatever the reason, I knew I wanted to do it naturally. I also knew that if I was going to do it that way and have a good experience, I needed to prepare for it.

Now enter my good friend and visiting teacher, Jill. We talked about my desires, and when she got pregnant she decided she wanted to do things naturally as well. She discovered some books at the library and recommended them to me. They were Confident Birth by Susanna Heli and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin.

These books really got me thinking! I was reminded that birth is a natural thing that we shouldn't be afraid of. Our bodies are so amazing! The body knows what it's doing, if we can just allow it to do it's job. As I read about other women and their natural births that took place either at home or at a birth center under the care of a midwife, I started to want that for my baby and me.

I'll be honest. When I first started entertaining the idea of a giving birth at a birth center or even at home, I thought "that is crazy...what are you thinking?!" But I could not get the idea out of my head, and the more research I did the more I could see the amazing benefits.

It seemed to me that the more comfortable a woman is the more likely she is to have a good birth experience. What is more comfortable than home?

I also liked how many talked about how this was something they did with their baby. Oddly enough, this is something that never occurred to me. I looked at labor as my thing, and the baby's only job was to get out!

I also noticed that these women seemed to harness a power within them that they didn't know they had. Many talked about how this helped them for the rest of their lives. This really appealed to me. I often feel like such a weakling. I needed to know that "I can do hard things" and be able to draw on that for the rest of my life to help me overcome my weaknesses and challenges that come my way.

Now, please understand that I do not think if you give birth in a hospital and you do it with drugs that means you are weaker than me. Giving birth is hard, no matter how you do it. Believe me, I know. All four of mine have been very different but all hard.

I was also inspired by my neighbor, who has now given birth to three children at home and one at a birth center. She is really the first source of my home birth education. It's thanks to her that I found the midwife that I did.

Other things inspired me, and I began praying very earnestly whether this would be a safe thing for me to do. I have never prayed so hard about anything in my life. Believe me, every "what if" scenario played through my mind, and my OB was definitely not a fan. But I knew that feelings of fear did not necessarily mean my answer was no. Fear is not a fruit of the spirit. Peace is, which is what I felt when I prayed, read those books, read my scriptures, and visited with midwives.

As part of my search to know where I should give birth, I took a tour of the hospital where I would deliver. I was actually quite impressed, especially because of how accommodating they are of women wanting to have a natural birth. But as soon as I walked into the labor and delivery rooms an undeniable feeling came over me that I could not give birth in one of those rooms. Flashes of my previous terrifying delivery came to my mind. I knew I could not be comfortable in that place. This experience really helped seal the deal of having a home birth.

A lot of people have asked why I would pursue a home birth after having 2 premature babies. First of all, I started this whole process when I was over 30 weeks pregnant and didn't select a midwife until about 34 weeks. Once I had my midwife, she wanted me to continue seeing my OB until 36 weeks. Once I was to that point I was safe to deliver a healthy baby. I am very grateful to have found the OB that I did and that he got me to that safe point of 36 weeks.

Much of what helped me to truly decide to have a home birth is very spiritual, and it's hard to know how much to share. Let me just say that my relationship and trust in the Lord grew so much. I know more than ever that He loves me and knows my needs. I might be more willing to share more on this in private.

I haven't said anything about my husband yet, and I need to. He was so supportive. He said he'd do what I wanted and trusted me to make the right decision. Although, he did admit that he thought it was a little bit crazy and would tease me that next I was going to start growing out my arm pit hair. However, once we were in labor he said how glad he was that we were doing it at home. He loved the experience!

I also have to say that my midwife and her assistants were absolutely amazing! Anyone who says that midwives are not qualified is completely mistaken. One reason I liked her is that she is very conservative in her practice. Meaning, she will send a woman to the hospital if there is any indication of trouble. I felt completely safe in her care.

Now, a very quick recap of the birth. I was 37 1/2 weeks pregnant and was having contractions all morning. I called my midwife and she said to come in and get checked. I was only at a 2, but by the way things felt she said I'd have a baby by the morning. A week ago she said that I was going to have a very smooth delivery. I asked how she knew that, and she said "years of experience." She would prove to be right.

She sent me home, and I called Joel at work to tell him to come home. My sweet, awesome cousin came and got the kids, and Joel I went to work on getting the house cleaned up. My contractions got harder, and I let the midwife know that she should probably come over. She arrived at about 7:30 p.m. I was still at a 2, but she did something to my cervix that got things moving along. She started to predict everything before it happened, which my husband I thought was so cool. I won't go into all the gory details. I'll just say that it went very smooth, just as she said. That doesn't mean it wasn't painful! But everyone helped me get through it, and I only pushed for about 4 minutes. Gerik was born at 9:53 p.m.

I wish I could say that I had a completely confident birth where I was able to conquer all feelings of fear. But I didn't. However, Joel reminds me that the few moments where I started to lose control, as soon as he or a midwife got my attention I brought myself back to where I needed to be. I remember as soon as I looked in Joel's or a midwife's eyes I was able to focus on what I needed to do. I think that's the ability I wanted to gain from the experience. I am going to make mistakes in my life and bad things are going to happen. The important thing is that I remember where and who I need to fix my eyes upon.

After having Gerik, I was so comfortable and at ease. I loved being in my own home! So lovely and peaceful. And now, every time I sit on my bed where I gave birth, I remember that moment when I first held Gerik in my arms. FYI, birth is messy and everyone wants to know how they dealt with it (I did too!), but it was actually very easy and quick to clean up. Just minutes after I got out of bed you'd never what had just happened.

So, that is why I had him at home. I probably forgot some things. There really was a lot that went into this decision. Some may think it was crazy, unsafe, and even selfish, but it was the right thing for Gerik and me. Do I think everyone should opt for a home birth? Not necessarily. I do think everyone should educate themselves on what birth can be like, whether it is at home, a birth center or a hospital. I could go on and on in this subject, but I won't.

Hope you enjoyed this!